If I had the power to live my life the way I typed this entry, I would copy/paste to make situations flow more smoothly, I would delete mistakes, I would revise my conversations, I would space things out differently, and I would save thoughts to work on and address at a later date. However reality doesn’t allow for rough drafts, and there definitely aren’t edit undo buttons. Instead life is all handwritten, and the strongest periods of growth come from learning to survive and manage the eraser marks.
But would you undo if you could undo?
There’s a quote that about regrets that I reference often, that being to “never regret anything because at one time it was exactly what you wanted” (unknown). This so firmly confronts the shame and guilt you might feel from your choices, and validates the power and wisdom that comes with growth. Realizing you did something in the past that you wouldn’t do again now does not make it a mistake, it means you have learned and may now hold a more seasoned perspective. You can only do the best you can with what you know.
When you try to erase pages of your story, it can often cause a deep sense of unworthiness and shame, with wishes that you could have instead acted differently and felt differently. It is in this moment, where you give up faith in yourself, that you become your own biggest antagonist. Whether you dated the “wrong” person, pursued the “wrong” career, chose the “wrong” friends, or did anything else that doesn’t quite fit into your book today, you wouldn’t be you without those chapters in your history.
Through the successes and the setbacks, the wonderful and the miserable, your story will still go on and the plot is far from over. Even more so, you will likely realize that not only have raw and gritty experiences added meat to your story, with a thicker binding and blank pages ahead you are still the author of what comes next. So listen to that internal voice narrating your dreams and desires, and follow its lead. Work toward accepting (and even welcoming space for) regret. Trust that if you trust in yourself, you will not have anything to undo.